Married millennial moms: please stop doing it all

It’s actually really sexist.

marjorie steele


It’s been increasingly popular lately in the Internetosphere to talk about how women’s disproportionately large share of household and childraising duties at home hinder their career and personal development, in contrast to their male spouses.

Dinner, vacuuming, and bedtimes be taking up massively more of ladies’ time, is the common sentiment.

I think it began post #metoo as a rather petulant op-ed by a darling feminist writer here on Medium (which I don’t care to link to because I think it’s mostly sexist theoretical pseudo-academic garbage). But now memes like this are passed along by men and women alike as a statement of fact:

I don’t want to talk about whether or not this is true in reality, or what the data says (it’s all quite subjective). I personally feel quite torn on the subject, because in my experience, I’ve found there are a lot of moving pieces. Which is why I want to talk about why this might be the reality for many women — and what women themselves could be doing to perpetuate the problem.

I want to talk directly to the mothers in monogamous heterosexual partnerships who tend to level this complaint. And I feel like I can: it’s my demographic.

I want to talk to the ladies about how we women can perhaps help ourselves, so we can all have more of what we’re supposed to be aiming for: equity.

The Prime Nesting Directive

It was a rarely but potently used running joke in my household: dad could rebuild a car engine and construct a house, but he couldn’t figure out how to unload the dishwasher.

Mom and dad would both giggle, because this was all part of their synchronous and mutually designed dance. Dad kept us in cars and gadgets and a 40 acre homestead on a shoestring budget with handcraftiness, and mom maintained a comfortable home and garden. Both maintained incomes, of course. And it worked for them, really well.

But for all the beauty of that synchronous dance, there were some…convoluted steps.

Of course dad was capable of running the dishwasher. He wasn’t, however, confident in his ability to run it to his…



marjorie steele

poet, educator, hillbilly gnostic pagan. teaching business to designers.